Build Your Self-Care Toolkit: Coping Strategies for Parents and Kids During a Crisis

The emotional effects of a crisis, like the recent L.A. wildfires, can last long after the smoke clears.

It’s challenging to prioritize self-care amidst shifting personal and professional priorities, public safety concerns, and, for some, a loss of access to homes, schools, and community spaces—not to mention the busyness of daily life as a parent or caregiver.

But experts maintain that in difficult times, dedicating a little space each day to regulating your emotional and physical health will better equip you to show up for the ones you love—and, in turn, model positive coping skills for your kids.

“We can feel shame or guilt for pausing to care for our own needs,” says Karen Rogers, PhD, Clinical Psychologist at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. 

“It's become cliché, but it’s true: If you were on an airplane and there was a loss of pressure, you’d need to put your own mask on first before helping somebody else," she adds. "You’d have about 3 or 4 seconds before you’d need to help that other person, so you really do need to get your mask on so you will be functional enough to help someone else.”

Build a self-care toolkit

In times of high stress, Dr. Rogers emphasizes the importance of establishing a handful of coping strategies that work for you and your family. “In difficult times, we encourage people to tap into their own self-care toolkit—and remember that they have strategies and skills to help provide relief.”

Dr. Rogers recommends identifying about three different coping strategies so you’ll have options depending on your day-to-day reality and energy levels: “If your family’s coping strategy is playing video games together and that’s not available to you because the power's out or your devices aren't charged, we want you to have other strategies you can turn to.”

Go with what you know

“We encourage people to utilize their own natural coping strategies rather than trying to teach them something new to implement under times of great stress,” says Dr. Rogers.

In other words: If you’ve never tried yoga or meditation before, those activities might not be the right fit for your self-care toolkit during a crisis.

7 coping strategies for parents and kids

Strategy #1: Distraction

“I find that most children's favorite coping strategy seems to be some kind of distraction,” shares Dr. Rogers. 

Reading, playing board games, video games, or watching movies can provide much-needed, short-term relief.

Strategy #2: Connection

Express and process your emotions in conversation with someone you trust—and encourage your child to do the same.

Prompts for you and your child:

• “What are you feeling right now?” 
• “What helps you feel better during tough times when you’re feeling scared or upset?”

Strategy #3: Physical comfort

Don’t underestimate the power of comfort items like a favorite stuffy or blanket in difficult situations. Physical comfort can also come in the form of hugs or snuggle time with loved ones.

Dr. Rogers’ personal favorite physical comfort: “Drinking a hot cup of tea. I’m a big tea person.”

Strategy #4: Movement

Movement and exercise activate the parasympathetic nervous system, reducing stress and anxiety and releasing “feel good” hormones like endorphins and serotonin.

When it’s not safe to be outdoors, you might need to be more creative than usual. One crowd favorite: Turn on your favorite song and start a family dance party—then encourage your kids to check in with their brains and bodies to see how different they feel after just five minutes.

Strategy #5: Meditation and breath work

If you or your kids are feeling especially anxious or hypervigilant, listening to a guided meditation, following a yoga video on YouTube, or just moving through a simple breathing exercise can help reduce mental and physical stress levels. There are videos available that are tailored to kids.

Breath work helps calm your body and promotes relaxation by lowering your heart rate and blood pressure.

Strategy #6: Reflection

You might not be ready yet to move past feelings of grief, loss, or fear, or to express them out loud—and that’s okay.

Writing down your feelings in a notebook or journal may help you begin to name and process those emotions, and you might even find it helpful to look back through entries to see how you’ve started healing over time.

Younger kids who can’t write yet, or kids who prefer art to writing, might find it helpful to process their emotions through drawing.

Strategy #7: Purposeful action

For older kids and families in a position to help others, taking action to serve their peers or others in their community, either in person or virtually, can be a powerful form of self-care.

“This might be an opportunity to help script the meaning kids will take from this experience,” says Clinical Psychologist Micah Orliss, PhD. 

When gauging your child’s readiness, Dr. Orliss encourages framing the conversation in the following way: “’We went through something really scary together. But we were prepared. Now that we’re safe, we’re going to give back to our friends and community members who need help right now.’”

“Being able to recognize when your kids are ready, and then engaging in that level of purposeful action is a way to turn an individual coping skill into something that fosters a sense of community and connection,” adds Dr. Orliss. “It can be very healing for children—and all of us, really.”